In my experience, couples fight when they find some point or aspect that they disagree upon. It ranges from “to turn left or right” to “which politician to vote for.”
It becomes a fight when each person thinks that their opinion is the ‘more correct’ one. Still, they think that seeking a compromise and discussing a possible solution is either too tiresome or beneath them, and they would instead apply higher tones of voice and emotional pressure to get their way.
It does take a degree of self-control to slow down when there’s a conflict insight, to discuss an issue calmly. Sometimes_there is no time to do so. And sometimes fighting erupts later, when one or both are too stressed from the situation, so their emotions find an outlet in bickering and screaming.
Some Notions To Handle With Care-
What I have personally tried in my life is to apply conscious monitoring of my behavior, manipulative tendencies, and tone of voice. When you follow what you say and how you react, and you try to catch yourself at some moment before it turns into unpleasant behavior towards your partner, you have better control of the situation, and you are capable of hearing the other side and of entering peaceful negotiations. I remember, at some point, I spent a lot of time researching “passive aggression” and the ways to get rid of it. I still battle this ‘disease,’ but my efforts are paying off.
And sometimes people just take some pills to keep their nerves at bay if they are prone to nervous outbursts. Hey, whatever it takes to have peace at home.
I’ve been in a couple of relationships, and have been friends with and even lived with many more couples, so I have a fair clue about what couples fight about: everything under the sun. But what someone says they’re angry about is not always the exact thing they’re angry about. For example:
Couples Fight: Some Lines with Their Possible Meaning
Couple-speak: “You need to clean up more around the house! This place is filthy!”
One possible translation: “You know damn well that I place a high value on order and cleanliness, and yet you blatantly disregard my expressed wishes, and I find that belittling and insensitive. We live in this house together, and should act more as a team to our mutual benefit and happiness.”
Couple-speak: “You always take days to respond to a simple text!”
Probable translation: “I like to keep involved in your day-to-day life, even when I can’t be there in person. I would like it if you responded more promptly, and would like it even more if you sent me a few texts once in a while to let me know that I’m a part of your life.”
Couple-speak: “Does this dress make me look_fat?”
Probable translation: “I’m feeling insecure and would like some validation from you that you find me attractive. Or, I’m manipulative and like to start drama, because it keeps me interested.”
Seriously, proceed with caution with that last one! Fighting is a part of a healthy relationship, but honest and open communication beats conflict any day of the week. The more you have yourself figured out before getting in a relationship, the easier that kind of communication will be, and the less likely you’ll have to rely on reading between the lines and guessing the other’s true meanings. May the odds be ever in your_favor!